


Time Changes All

by ThereIsNoTragedyInThat



Series: Know Thy Self [2]
Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: BAMF Nile Freeman, Booker | Sebastien le Livre Whump, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hanging, Nightmares, Temporary Character Death, Whumptober
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:33:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26836759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThereIsNoTragedyInThat/pseuds/ThereIsNoTragedyInThat
Summary: His first death no longer held the same horror once it had been done a couple thousand times.
Relationships: Booker | Sebastien le Livre/Nile Freeman
Series: Know Thy Self [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1953133
Comments: 6
Kudos: 105
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	Time Changes All

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Hanging

The man in front of him is crying.

Sebastien grit his teeth against the urge to smack the man, to get him to just shut the hell up. What man wanted to die with tears on their cheeks? He shook his head, kept his gaze steady on his feet where the shitty threadbare boots they’d given him had already cracked in the cold. It didn’t matter, soon enough he’d be dead and would have no need for them.

“Bouge toi!”

The command made them all shuffle forward, their ropes around their hands and feet keeping them from running. Four of them in total, four men who’d tried to desert in the night, taking their chances with the Russian wilderness. Sebastien didn’t think himself to be a stupid man, had known the chances of survival were slim but too many nights with blackening toes and an empty stomach had convinced him it was worth it.

Blinking rapidly, Sebastien let out a sigh of relief when they stepped into the bright morning sun. The courtyard was crowded with faces, none that he recognized, but their gazes were piercing all the same. He did not look away, did not sniffle and plead with the man leading them toward the gallows, did not dare show such weakness, not now.

Fear moved slowly through his limbs as he finally spotted the nooses hanging in a clean row, when he realized this was the place his would take his last breath. Sebastien’s face remained stoic, but he found himself thinking…remembering the last time he’d held his sons in his arms, had kissed his wife goodbye, walking toward death or victory.

He’d been such a fool.

At least he wasn’t the only one.

They reached the steps and Sebastien swallowed thickly, hoped the trembling in his hands could be blamed on the frigid air. It wasn’t until he was standing in front of the rope that would take his life that his composure began to crack. His eyes met the blazing green ones of his commander, the same man who’d sat around their fire and stayed up late at night desperately strategizing, who had actually cared about the men in his charge.

There was hatred in those eyes.

Sebastien could not look away.

For the first time…he felt an inkling of shame.

Rough hands reached past him and pulled the rope over his head, settling it firmly around his neck. He did not resist, could not look away from his commander, standing at the head of the crowd, the man’s jaw clenched, face pale, like a statue frozen to the ground.

Distantly he was aware of the scratchiness of the rope on his skin, the unsteady platform that would be kicked from beneath his feet, the bile rapidly rising in his throat, and he almost wished he could scream, if only to cry out apologies to his wife, to his children, to the man watching him with such betrayal.

The worst part…was that Sebastien knew he wasn’t angry they deserted, knew he was a good man and he understood better then anyone why his soldiers might abandoned him, no he was angry because they had been caught.

Because they were forcing him to condemn them.

There was a command and suddenly Sebastien felt himself fall, felt the sharp snap in his neck and darkness crowded his vision as his mouth opened on a silent plea for air. It was almost… _almost blissful as all sensation fled_.

Booker woke gasping for breath as though he hadn’t come back from a dream but from the dark, peace of death. His heart hammered in his chest as he squinted in the low lighting of the hotel room, chest still heaving.

Hands were on him, a voice in his ear murmuring frantically and Booker wanted to be okay, to pretend that the nightmare hadn’t left him bereft and afraid. Except he couldn’t speak because it still felt as though a noose were fastened around his throat and he was just so damned cold.

“Booker, you’re alright. Come on, please.”

A hand rested against his cheek, pushing gently and trying to get him to turn toward that voice. The warmth of that palm seemed to push back the icy grip of the nightmare, if only enough to finally make him turn to look at Nile, whose eyes were too wide where they watched him.

He opened his mouth, wanting to apologize for waking her only for his tongue to move too clumsily and his lips too slowly. Yet, Nile smiled, a slow weary upturn of her lips, one that said it was alright, she understood.

Booker did not resist as she wrapped her arms firmly around him, “you’re alright, I promise. It will be okay.”

Burying his face in her neck, he felt his entire body begin to tremble, the momentary adrenalin rush fading, leaving behind the carcass of remorse that was his body. The nightmares had stopped nearly a hundred a fifty years ago, taken up with other, fresher memories and of course, the one constant: Quynh.

His first death no longer held the same horror once it had been done a couple thousand times.

Now, as he tried to hide in the safety of Nile’s arms, he saw bright green eyes looking at him with hatred and thinly veiled accusation, telling him he had not changed to this day, that he was a coward, selfish…doomed to lose all he loved.

Booker knew why he dreamed of that fateful day now. That look had been mirrored in Joe’s eyes too often to count, even after a 100 years, even after hard won forgiveness, it was impossible to miss the way Joe watched Nicky’s back, like at any minute he might betray them again.

Worse still, Nicky’s quiet solidarity, his complete and utter acceptance of him, working at a stark contrast to his partner and somehow even more guilt inducing. He was grateful, he would always be grateful that they’d invited him back, only 50 years after his initial punishment, but he still longed for the easy familiarity that had yet to return, even after all this time. It was difficult to believe it would ever…but he tried to be hopeful.

“Sebastien?”

A thin smile curled his lips, Nile’s accent was atrocious as always, though it did nothing to hinder the sweetness of his name on her lips. He pulled away from her arms to find her expression neutral, clearly debating what words he needed to hear…except she had already said them.

Nile had been his champion from the start and he worked every day to be worthy of her kindness, her unwavering faith in him, “I’m okay.”

She raised an eyebrow, “You sure? We can talk about it.”

Booker shook his head. Nile knew of his beginnings the same way you knew a single brushstroke in a painting, and he was not ready to explain it all, to recount the horrors of the Russian Front and his choice to run.

It must have shown in his face somehow, because she nodded, easy as that, always ready to be patient and that was a skill that would serve her well through the eons. With a quiet sigh, he reached over and pulled her even closer, saw the hint of a smile as he laid back down, guiding her to rest on his chest.

“Here, you’ll keep the nightmares away just like this.”

Nile snorted but she did not protest, simply closed her eyes and wrapped her arms firmly around him. This, Booker decided, was worth every damned nightmare and every minute he would spend proving himself to his family and those green eyes long passed…that he could change, he could be better.


End file.
